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About Me *^^*

i really really luv super junior!! my fave is heechul, yesung, n ryeowook! teehee~ n umm..i luv to write stories n desing clothes ^^! in this blog, i'll be putting my clothes designs, azn dramas n movies recommendations, song downloads, my stories, etc..

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April 2010

Azn Dramas n movies I've watched ^.^

Here are some dramas i've watched, some are korean and some are japanese.. I recommend u to watch some of it, i'll post the details about teh dramas, k? o(^.^)o

Hanazakari No Kimitachi E
Hana Yori Dango
Nodame Cantabile
Gokusen
I am Sam
Yamada Taro Monogatari
Yukan Club
Tantei Gakuen Q
Ichi Ritoru No Namida
Gakko Ja Oshireranai!
Cat Street
Kurosagi
18 vs 29
Full House
Goong/ Princess Hour
Seigi No Mikata
Zettai Kareshi
Dragon Zakura
Nobuta Wo Produce
Brother Beat
Yasuko To Kenji
Bambino!
Boku To Kanojo No XXX
Hanyome To Papa
My Boss My Hero
Ryokiteki Na Kanojo!
Tsubasa No Oreta Tenshitachi
At Home Dad
Seito Shokun
Sassy Girl Choon-yang

MOVIES:

DoReMiFaSoLaTiDo
My Sassy Girl
2 Faces Of My Girlfriend
Windstruck
Please Teach Me English
Nana
Hana Yori Dango Final
Virgin Snow
Unstoppable Marriage
L Change The World
Lovely Complex
Death Note
Ichi Ritoru No Namida the Movie

Links ♥ ^^

♪♫ ^^ ♪♫

lol, girugamesh can be funny sometimes :D

Friday, April 16, 2010

I just wanna live a happy life..

When people look at me, they have no idea what kind of life I live. Everyday, at school, I smile, and I laugh. Last year, I was very very depressed and I have to say it was the WORST school year..EVER. But this year might be one of the best, I've made a lot of new friends and I feel more confident. When I'm around my close friends, I smile and laugh and sometimes I'm like the one who makes everyone laugh. But, inside, I'm still sad. Sometimes I said that I'm not depressed anymore, but when I really think about it, I'm still depressed..just from time to time. But this time I'm kind of depressed for a WHOLE DIFFERENT REASON. Last year, it was because my closest friend moved and so I stopped talking to people and so I had no friends. I had a very very low self-esteem, and I always feel like I'm not the person I want to be. This year, it's not about self-esteem or friends. It's about..family...?

I love my family even though sometimes I feel like I just wanna live without them. I'm sure everyone feels like that sometimes, right? My heart beats for my family, but I have to say, sometimes, it doesn't beat for them, more for my..dreams. I have dreams of becoming a writer and fashion designer, and I'm sure on the way to become one. Well, my dreams are like my life purpose, if I didn't have a dream, I'll probably be dead by now, and I'm NOT kidding. I would have killed myself, remember I wrote about almost killing myself? But guess what stopped me? Yup, my dreams. I wanna know how it feels like to be a writer/ fashion designer. I'm still..13, there are still things I wanna experience..like..well, my dreams. So I guess, my heart beats mostly for my dreams. Family IS important, but I feel like..they're slowly abandoning me or something, and maybe it's all because of..money?! I know there are tons of families out there that are also having a financial problem, including MY family. Everyday, I hear my parents say "we have no money" AND IT'S MAKING ME FREAKING SICK.

If you look at me, I don't think you'll know my family is actually kind of poor. I actually have nice clothes, and a lot of people had said "I love your outfit" to me. So you can't really tell that my family is not rich. So when I'm at school or some other place other than my house, I actually feel..like I'm not poor, because a lot of people keep saying "I love your outfit", "I love your shirt" and all those stuff, and actually, those compliments also kept me alive. But when I step in to my house, I realized that I am not rich. I mean, I get it, money can't buy happiness. But still, I'm just so so sick of hearing my parents saying we don't have money. I know, so stop saying that. I'm just 13 and I just wanna be a normal teenager, I wanna live my life happily as a teenager, okay? I know we don't have money, that's why I'm saving up some money so when I want something, I can buy it myself, and I finished my first book. I stil need to edit it though, but after that, I'll publish it, well I hope I can, so wish me luck. See? I'm helping too. SO STOP TELLING ME WE DON'T HAVE MONEY.

I always try to look at the bright side of everything, but it seems like it's not really helping. Guess what helps? 1 word: MUSIC. I never cared about music until I was in 5th grade. Since then, it means everything to me, and music's another thing that kept me alive. Jrock..Kpop..they play a HUGE role in my life, they make me happy when I'm down, really. Everyday I listen to my obsession..I listen to SHINee..U-kiss and tons of other singer. I watch their TV shows, and they always make me laugh, well, their job is to entertain people after all. I can't imagine my life without..music.

SO, everyday I keep thinking if I'll ever be happy and live a happy life. Maybe one day I will, that one day when I reach my dream, the goal of my life. It looks like my family's not really helping, and I said it feels like they're slowly abandoning me, right? Well..I've been fighting with my family lately, and it's all because of a small thing. Just a few days ago, my dad yelled at me, and now me and my sister are fighting, which makes my mom mad at me, and all this makes me..C.R.Y! And when I cry, I start thinking about all the bad things in my life, which makes me freaking depressed again, which makes me wanna die and end.my.life..AGAIN! But when I'm all happy, I think about the good things in my life which makes me really hyper and NOT depressed, which makes me wanna continue my life till the very end. So I guess I just need to be happy all the time. But my family's not really helping, they've been making me feel sad..which..yeah, you know.

Well, thank you everyone for always making me happy. And I said that not because I wanna kill myself or something, I still haven't reach my dreams, so yeah. I just said that because..well, I just wanna thank you. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH~ ♥ And one thing I like about school is that people always give me compliments and compliments kept me alive, so thank you.

5:24 PM

2 Thoughts:

Oh, I (sort of) know that feeling (I don't feel that I can totally say I know it considering our situations are/were different). When I was still living with my parents, it always made me a little sad and scared when I heard them talking about money problems. I think the feeling is understandable, because nobody wants anything bad to happen to them and their family, and wants everything to stay happy. And I had other family troubles too, so...
Keep working hard, and never forget your dreams. There is nothing wrong with chasing after them! When you are feeling sad, remember the things that make you happy. I think that most things will work out with time.

By megan, at April 16, 2010 at 8:51 PM

bloghopping^^

By sHeRrY, at April 21, 2012 at 11:26 AM

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